


Diamonds are forever; But Jokers will always be better.

by EsculentEvil



Series: EsculentEvil's BatJokes Shots [30]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Budding Love, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Metaphors, New 52, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 20:51:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17029794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EsculentEvil/pseuds/EsculentEvil
Summary: In which Batman calls the Joker pretty in the most round-about way possible: a card pun.Originally posted to my Tumblr @esculentevil





	Diamonds are forever; But Jokers will always be better.

They’re standing together on a rooftop.

Batman isn’t entirely sure why. He’d just been surveying the city— **his**  city—on his own, sun painting the sky and scrapers before him, when the clown suddenly stepped up beside him. The smaller man had been so quiet—just standing there—Bruce had actually failed to realize anything was amiss for over ten minutes.

Then the dawn light lit up the vibrant green of Joker’s mohican undercut.

He’d turned his head, fully expecting to see Poison Ivy coming at him with a man-eating plant—as green is such an uncommon thing in this old, gothic city—or just her plant-themed body on femme fatale display, only to find a tinted smile.

* * *

 

"You know...” Joker speaks, voice surprisingly soft, “Diamonds are my favorite~”

Not understanding where this tidbit is coming from—or why—Batman glances around for jewelry stores, pawn shops, or anything else with priceless diamonds. As rare as it is, the Joker  **does**  sometimes drop by with tattles on what the other Rogues are doing—usually because they’re doing something that conflicts with his own plans and he would rather have Batman handle it as that gets rid of the problem without Joker having to stop his own plans ( _And he gets to talk to me._ ).

Being so distracted, Batman makes a mistake: “I thought that was Catwoman.”

He knows it’s a mistake because he can see—through just his peripheral—Joker’s smile drop, his whole body deflate, and a look of pure hurt mare his face. His voice is quieter, less confident, more understanding when he speaks again, “... Not  **those**  diamonds, Batsy.”

Three things occur to Batman, then: first, the clown isn’t telling him Selina’s on the prowl again; second, the Joker’s talking about card suits; third... his villain is mistaking his concern for Gotham and her citizens for an interest in Catwoman.

He has no idea why, either; he thought he had made it perfectly clear when he rejected the clown’s advances, too: he’s not interested in romancing criminals. Regardless, after everything that’s happened between Joker and his family, Batman has learned that it’s better to give the clown the attention he craves; so, he sighs softly and offers a share: “... Mine had always been [Spades](https://esculentevil.tumblr.com/post/170485293455/okay-this-is-random-but-i-remember-seeing-before).”

Joker inhales, sharp and sweet like a knife, before laughing softly—lovingly, “Heh, [so you agree you’re the king of them, at last](https://esculentevil.tumblr.com/post/177334013122/this-is-a-crop-from-the-tenth-page-of-batman)~?”

_Lovingly_. Batman frowns as that laugh does something to him: something no other laugh has ever done before; something new and frightening and  **wrong**. “No: I just thought the ace of spades was one of the pretties cards in the deck.”

Curiously, soft peridots of wisdom and insanity gaze up at him, “... One of?”

“... I always thought the jokers were the pretties because they were the truest testament to the artist’s talents—not even the face cards showcased them fully.”

**Author's Note:**

> I know I linked back to posts with the Original 40′s Joker/Lead in them but this was written with Endgame’s/Snyder’s Joker, Lament, in mind [clearly as I say _mohican_ _undercut_ which is how I refer to his hairstyle from that arc]; that being said, since [@khenq](https://tmblr.co/mitoyCG9OLbYQKIa3L-nBxg) was also referencing _Arkham Knight_ , it should be noted that, while you can technically place this in the Golden Age of Comics and thereby have this featuring Lead and his Billy Bob Bat, this is really meant to be Lament and his Scottie C Bat [of course, this can be any Bronze Age Batman and Joker so go at it, you all!]


End file.
